What Do We Do With a Child’s Room After They Die?

When a child dies, one of the most painful and confusing questions parents face is: What do we do with their room?

There is no single right answer. Some families keep the room exactly as it was, preserving it as a sanctuary. Others need to change it right away, either by repurposing it or carefully packing it up. Most fall somewhere in between—and all of these choices are valid.

Common Paths Families Take

1. Preserve the room exactly as it was.Some parents and siblings find comfort in keeping everything untouched. The unmade bed, the favorite toy, even the dirty laundry can serve as a connection point—a place where their child still feels present.

2. Close the door for a while.For many, the room is too overwhelming to face every day. Closing the door, even for months or years, can create the space needed to return to it when the family feels ready.

3. Slowly sort through belongings.Some families take time to go through clothing, toys, and books—sometimes donating, sometimes saving. This process can be done in stages, when grief allows, and often becomes an important ritual of remembrance.

4. Transform the room into something new.Others decide that the room itself needs to evolve with the family. It may become a meditation space, a guest room, a home office, or something else entirely. Often, parents choose to incorporate special belongings or photos so that the new purpose also honors their child.

Tips for Deciding

If you’re facing this decision, here are some things that may help:

• Give yourself time. There is no deadline. You may feel pressure to “do something” quickly, but waiting can give clarity.

• Start small. If sorting feels overwhelming, begin with one drawer, one shelf, or one corner.

• Save what matters. You can always decide later what to let go of. Many parents keep a box (or several) of treasured items.

• Involve siblings. Brothers and sisters may want to help choose what stays or what reminds them most of their sibling.

• Honor the child in new ways. If you repurpose the room, consider keeping a few items visible—photographs, artwork, favorite books—so their presence remains woven in.

• Accept change. What feels right today may not feel right in a year, or five years. It’s okay for the room, like your grief, to evolve.

My Family’s Experience

When my son William died, my first instinct was to clear everything out. I packed his clothes into trash bags, ready to haul them to the dump. Looking back, I realize I was trying to make his death less real. Fortunately, I had the space and time to reconsider. I realized that erasing his things would not erase my pain—and that someday, they might bring me comfort.

William’s childhood room was perfectly suited for a nine-year-old boy: the green bunk bed, a table for building Legos, the striped rug where he practiced his forward rolls. But passing that room every single day, on the way to Kai’s room or the playroom, was too brutal. Each glance was a reminder that William wasn’t in there anymore—playing, reading, snuggling.

So, we decided to change it. Not erase it, but transform it.

We swapped the bunk bed for a daybed. We painted the walls a soothing sage green. On one wall, we added forest-scape wallpaper, imagining William running and playing there. His shelves hold many of his most treasured possessions. A small wooden box with some of his ashes sits carefully on one shelf. We added a meditation stool, Buddhas, and a picture of a wolf. It became a space for reflection, connection, and presence.

And it works for us. It is deeply evocative of William, but not frozen in time. Today, it’s still called William’s room. His name is still on the door. But it also serves as my office and sometimes a guest room. The room has shifted as our family has shifted, without ever letting William go.

The Takeaway

There is no single way to handle your child’s room. What matters is that it feels right for you and your family in this moment. You can change your mind, take it slow, or move quickly. You can preserve, transform, or close the door.

Grief evolves, and so too can the spaces we inhabit.

Resources for Grieving Families

If you are navigating the question of what to do with your child’s room—or any of the countless impossible decisions grief brings—these organizations may help:

• Dougy Center — National grief center for children, teens, and families.

• National Alliance for Children’s Grief — Resources, support groups, and advocacy for grieving kids.

• What’s Your Grief — Articles, courses, and practical tools for navigating life after loss.

• William’s Be Yourself Challenge — Our nonprofit, created in William’s honor, with programs and resources to support grieving families.

William and Kai playing on the green bunk bed.