susanshaw784

My husband and I are still learning how to walk through the world as parents of three children — one of whom is not alive. We are still hashing out how to understand each other in this new identity. How to carry our grief. When to disclose it. Whether to present it immediately to the stranger across from us at a dinner party… or hold it quietly in our own chest. I lean toward disclosure. Almost immediately. If I’m in a new conversation and someone asks about my kids, I want to say, “I have...

or, how to make a quilt from grief There is a new fabric that gets woven into a mother the day her child dies. But if I’m honest, it was being woven long before that. From the very beginning, our children are not separate from us. Science tells us that fetal cells cross the placenta and remain in a mother’s body for decades. Decades. Pieces of our children live inside our bloodstream, our organs, our bones. We carry them in ways we cannot see. And then there is the carrying we can see. The...

If you are a parent who has lost a child, you learn quickly that the internet can be cruel. And not just the internet. Sometimes it’s acquaintances. Sometimes extended family. Sometimes people who believe they are being “helpful.” “You shouldn’t have let him ski.” “You should have been right behind him.” “You should have seen the signs.” “You should have known.” “You should have done something differently.” The “shoulds” come fast. And they cut deep. I have yet to meet a bereaved parent who...